maybe it was just something that i really needed
Friday, October 22, 2004
Last week I filed for a half-day leave. I was supposed to go out for a free facial which was offered to me by Tina (Jeanie's sister) I was supposed to go there with Dots (Jeanie's friend) but apparently it was canceled on the last minute by Tina. Rendering me to go and pursue my leave for the time being. And I find that a blessing.
As mentioned earlier I took the rest of my day yesterday out of the office so as to have time to relax myself. I must say that maybe it was all that I really needed I got to finish this graphic novel called Godess by Garth Ennis & Phil Winslade at Powerbooks I never bothered to buy it since I really can't afford it, so just spent an hour and a half sitting there and reading my way to the 230 or so pages of the book which I find to be relaxing.
Another is that I also spent another hour outside the PUP campus where I surffed the net for anything that I've come to think of and checked my friendster account that hasn't been opened for ages. I played the entire Anti-Bush Game in which was sort of a release of anxiety for me.
Later that night I met up with Aga as well as with Laix & Cedric and it was nice that Cedric treated me and Aga with a free dinner at Pinoy Toppings which serves this whole plate of rice that me and Laix weren't able to finish because of its eourmous volume of serving.
Afterwards we started our weekly BS which has been cancelled for almost three consecutive meetings because of the hassles that has been brought about by my client dictated work schedule. Nevertheless it was nice that I was able to bid the time for that as well since Jeanie isn't around and there are a lot of things happening at work and I almost thought about losing my sanity already with the pressures and everything its nice to see that God allowed me to have the facial canceled which gave me time to relax and as well take the time to clear my head before teaching the bs with Aga, Laix and Cedric. Maybe it was just what I really needed.

Thursday, October 21, 2004
I'm really hating this situation I'm into right now. I feel as though my life has been constantly dictated by this work (or at least a great part of it). I cannot help but feel as though I'm played like a puppet.
Another is that I am also at this continous 'lost for words' phase. I have a lot of things going on in my mind right now and I want to write about them but sad to say I can't motivate my self enough to construct a cohesive sentence let a lone an entire article. I just hope this is not permanent, I have a lot of things that I want to speak out to the world out there but I just can't seem to put it into writing.
Its my lunch break but I'm skipping it I decided to take the remainder of the day out of the office I want to have time to relax by myself before later this afternoon I'll be going off to lead a bible study in Manila which is a long way from where I am right now. I just hope that God will still manage to use me fully and that I might speak solely of His words alone despite this anxieties that I am facing right now.
Please do find time to pray for me if ever that would be much of a burden. Thanks.

after the long leave of absence
Monday, October 18, 2004
I could not believe that a week has past since I've last posted in this blog.

To start with a lot really happened and I'd like to keep most of that stuff for myself for now. As expected I think I might be suffering from a temporal lack of ideas of things to write about, honestly that is not really the case I have a lot of these ideas in my head right now but the problem is I just can't put those stuff into conceivable writing. Another is that I am in such a state that I am really lazy on doing a lot of stuff right now. Also worth mentioning is that I have been given a larger work load which sucks, but nevertheless I can't do anything about it really. Lastly I've been rendered sick with this cough and cold that has been plaguing me for more than a week now and as far as I'm concerned I cannot see it going away in the near future. And as I look back on those stuff I think that God really is cooking something up for me, which I have no idea of what it is exactly yet but rest assured that I may not know what the future may hold for me but I know for certain who holds my future, and with that I yield everything into God's able hands.

On a lighter side, it's really nice that I've discovered these several new opportunities for furthering my knowledge on web design as well as in the area of video editing because I've recently discovered these new short courses offered by MFI pertaining to those subjects which I think seem to be reasonably priced. And I'm considering on taking up those two short courses along with Jeanie (who happens to be in Baguio right now and for the entire week.) Before ultimately embarking on taking up my masteral in either UP or in AIJ.

By the way the links portion of the blog has recently been updated, I hope you'll find the new links worthwhile.

That's it I guess. I have a lot of work to finish and I hope this indicates that I'm still alive and well.


for those who could still remember n!xau
Wednesday, October 06, 2004

There was this time in the 80s when Hollywood films are hard to come by here in the Philippines as opposed to their dominance in theatres nowadays.
Well, sure there are American films every now and then at the time but usually they're from Solar or Jemah Films, which are basically cheap b-movies sporting titles like: American Ninja, Delta Force or any other film that starred lousy muscle-bound bozos like, Van Dame, Michael Dudikof, Dolph Lundgren, Shokozugi and Jan Michael Vincent.
While there are others like that of blockbosters at the time which would now be considered as relics of the bygone age that was the 1980s movies ranging from the then popular sci-fi genre such as ET, Cocoon, The Ghostbusters and latter portions of Aliens, Star Wars and Superman; coming of age flicks (St. Elmo's Fire, Pretty In Pink, Ferris Beuler's Day Out, The Breakfast Club); and those adventure types like Indiana Jones and The Goonies among others.
As you can see that was before the advent of mall cinemas back then movies are mostly shown on theatres or movie houses popular ones at the time were New Frontier and Delta. Another is that what we have now could be attributed to the Jurassic Park phenomena that came about in the later part of 1992.
So what do we have then basically?
Locally we have a lot of happy happy joy joy, wholesome, family oriented Regal flicks courtesy of Mario J. Delos Reyes more popular for giving us Petrang Kabayo, Inday Bote etc.
While apart from the American ones there was those Golden Harvest movies, which re-issued classic Bruce Lee flicks as well as old-school Jackie Chan (most notable was the cult flick Drunken Master); the earlier encarnations of Jet Lee's Once Upon A Time In China; the slapstic kung fu films of Samo Hung and Yuen Biao; the Magic To Win series of Raymond Wong (which would even star Kris Aquino in the early 90s version of the series); and last but definitely not the least: The Gods Must Be Crazy.
That particular movie was one of those few movies that I've looked forward to watching at either Million Dollar movies or on RPN 9s Sunday's Big Event mainly because it was really funny. It was a movie that generated barrels of laughter during my politically incorrect childhood. Though when I look back at it now I at times quiver with shame for having laughed at how the Western world have portrayed Africans at the time, by making them appear as an inferior race.
But true enough the movie being set in the 80s has made realize of how innocent the days of my youth were which could really be comparable to how Xixo reacted to the complex modern world that unfolded before his eyes during the course of the movie. Now it stands as a testament of how the West looks at your stereotyped African Bushman who'd treat a bottle of Coke with such reverence that it almost regarded it as a deity. It speaks of ignorance and racial supremacy, but at the same time it also served as a strong reminder of how life could be simplier of one would let go of their over dependence on the sheer spectacle of modern living.
You may be wondering why I would devote web space for a movie that I've both come to hate and love at the same time?
Well one thing is that I just recently read that the protagonist of the film who played the role of that particular Kalahari Bushman, Xixo who was played by N!xau who was actually named G!kau (it was due to a typing error that happen when the original film was made), had already passed away last July 1, 2003 due to a multi-drug resistant" tuberculosis, while he was out hunting guinea fowl. It was said that N!xau said in a 1992 documentary that he deeply regretted appearing in the film, and that after his career in acting ended he lived to farm maize, pumpkins and beans and had kept several head of cattle in South Africa.
And the main reason why I decided to write this piece is so that this would be somewhat a requiem for this tragic hero, who at one point have colored my childhood with laughter and had reminded me of the value of living a simple life and of going into personal quests that seemed to appear as though they were of epic proportions (and in his case in The Gods Must Be Crazy it was about throwing the Coke bottle to the edge of the world to prevent a war among his trie and in a later version of the film it was so as to free a butterfly that was stuck in a coke bottle).
Growing up was an odyssey for me where I've ventured to similar quests and have overcome particular circumstances that were not as great as that of N!xau or any other protagonist in great tales, but true enough when I think about it the innocence of N!xau was a beacon that has in its own way have preserved my youthful side now that I am already in my way towards the middle of my 20s.
It has already been more than a year since N!xau has died and I hope this piece is not yet too late to serve as an expression of gratitude for his contribution to giving life into my boring childhood.

for info on the--> The Gods Must Be Crazy<--
for info on -->N!xau<--

...just when you thought that things would end up with a bad trip...
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
'Bad trip' this is a popular catchphrase among those of us who seemed to have Lady Luck working against us. That was how my day started and almost went about yesterday.

My day at work started with the news that the client site that we're working on is down, but as to my dissappointment the section of the site that I'm working on is functioning, thus I have to endure the work by myself, thankfully by God's grace I was able to finish it within 5 hours which made our boss allow us to leave the office at around 3pm.

So that we did got off to work quite early considering that my scheduled time out at the office is 5:45 pm. Leaving early on I decided to go to Adamson and visit Jeanie, so that I did and there I found out that she was busy editing the videos of her students which made me go to waste my time at SM Manila after which I played arcade games and basically laundered almost all the cash that I got in hand, where later I decided to go to the nearby ATM to withdraw the money that I still have in my account, but to my dissappointment the cash machine reported an error in my ATM apparently Expressnet banking services suck, it stated that my transaction
cannot be completed, and it ejected my card. So I decided to again go to another bank that was BPI, because the line for the Chinabank there was overwhelmingly long since the Equitable ATM beside it is offline so there again with the BPI machine it reported that it again cannot complete my request so I again moved to the ATM beside it which was the same as that of the first ATM that I went to which was that lousy Banco De Oro ATM and their elitist Expressnet system, again it reaped nothing.

So I decided to return to Adamson and wait for Jeanie since she gave me a message that she also is maxed out on her finances so I hurried myself to Times Plaza to check if the transaction would work out at the Chinabank there and to my surprise the amount stored in my account was below the minimum allowed for withrawal, I tell you I was so pissed at the banks and especially at myself, I couldn't forgive myself for wasting my money on a lot of things, I was on the brink of crying as I text the sad news to Jeanie, and like me she was saddened.

She told me that her editing will take a while longer and told me to just present my ID to the school guard and go to her at the Media Center, sadly the guard refused to give me permission to get in because it's already passed visiting hours for outsiders, and the guard told me that even if Jeanie would come down she still has to call the security office of the School to grant me permission to get in. Tough luck for me. (On a side note apparently there was some sort of frat related trouble earlier that day or was it the day before? well anyways what happened was there was this kid who got killed in the incident and that's the reason why it wasn't that easy to get inside the campus and that explains why there are many guards roaming about the school and its nearby areas.)

Well, Jeanie was too caught up with the editing and we decided it best that I wait for her in the school's visitor's lounge and so I did, and I think it was about 7pm when I got a text message from Cedric inquiring if he and Laix could sleep over our house and I told then, that they could and that I'll be home before 10 pm. As I was answering the message I really was still so pissed off by the fact that I no longer have money to sustain me up until the next payday and that I can't get to Jeanie and it was such a waste of a rare opportunity to go there earlier and visit her since rarely do such things happen in our office (mind you we are required to go to work even on storm sigan #2s).
Feeling really frustrated I simply just thought that it would be best for me to just pour out my heart unto God in prayer and so I did there in the middle of all those
people going in and out of the campus I simply bowed down my head and closed my eyes in prayer afterwards I decided to read this booklet from Campus Crusade For Christ called Steps To Spiritual Maturity which was written by Bill Bright, and it was there way in the ending part where I read that the comandment of God that we as Christians to go and be a witness to His gospel is a synergy of living a good testimony and as well as speaking of our faith to others and for so long have I tried to be a witness by simply living a good life, which really is quite stupid of me since doing something without giving a good explanation for doing so could be interpreted by others as basically a simple act of goodness and that I am merely a good person and not grasp the idea that I am that way because I've been justified by the blood Jesus.
And then Cedric came into mind, we're off better now we've resolved a lot about ourselves earlier this month and we're good friends so I made this pact with God that I'll see to it that he'll hear the gospel later when they sleep over at our house.
It was almost 8:30 when Jeanie finally arrived in the lobby. She was very apologetic for being late and she was even blaming herself that maybe she might have withdrawed all the money from the card when she borrowed from me last Saturday. Like me she was also very much surprised that we can't withdraw our money we were so earnestly discussing that I failed to notice that Raymond from my church GBC was there and I would have totally not known of his pressence if he didn't call me he was also studying at Adamson, so I introduced him to Jeanie. And while we were walking we both decided to try the ATM again at this PNB beside Adamson, and so we did
and again we were dissapointed.

We simply decided to go home and I told her of this plan I had with Cedric and I told her that I want to get home as soon as possible and she understood and she even volounteered to intercede in my behalf as I'll be witnessing. And she even spoke words of encouragement wherein she said that maybe God did intended the money to be lost for that time so that we'll set our priorities straight and so that we'll decide to simply just go home rather than eat and roam about in SM Manila, and the priority at that time was for the gospel be spoken to Cedric.

I arrived home at around 9:30 or perhaps earlier, I ate and did my rituals and was on the phone discussing the process of doing the modifications for his blog when my
father informed me that Laix and Cedric were at the gate. I offered them dinner and we listened to a few MP3s and played a little Demonstar, and played some songs on my guitars. And I simply got this Fred Flintstone notebook that I had with me always and started to speak to him about God, I tried to combine the 4 Spiritual laws, bridge illustration and the Romans Road as I spoke to him at first I was really nervous and was really quite uncomfortable speaking out my faith by it wasn't about me it was about God working in Ced's life that He opened his heart and to cut the long story short our talk ended with me leading him into a prayer of receiving Christ as his personal Lord and Savior.

By the time we uttered 'amen' in unison I automatically text to Jeanie the good news. Later we got to talk about a lot of stuff and we even ironed out the kinks that we had and we got to talk about that of the demise of Life Is Trying and how so much changed between the two of us during that dark period of being jaded with each other.
As I woke up earlier this day I can't help but feel so blessed of how God has then again used me to do His divine work. By the way I gave him my Bible and lended
him my copy of Warren's PDL.
As I look back now I am reminded of Acts 16:31 whre it said:
"Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved you and your household."
And indeed it was true, I consider Cedric as a brother I look upon him as a part of the family that we've come to call as our circle of friends and it was true that
because I chose to believe in Jesus Christ with all my heart and sought to have a relationship with Him, God in His mercy gave the provision for me to speak out my
faith to Cedric and for Cedric to ultimately decide on entering into a relationship with God. And truly to God be the glory.

Looking back at how I thought that the day was a bad trip its nice to know that before the day ends God always gives us all the more reason to give Him glory and to be thankful and for blessings that far exceeds the previous sadness. I may not have money in my pocket but I have a friend in Christ, and I share it with Ced,
Laix, Aga, Jeanie and all my other Christian friends which apparently are growing.

As we departed me going off to Ortigas and Cedric and Laix off to Tandang Sora, I simply gave him this gimme five and smile thinking that indeed despite all of our
infirmities and our sins God redeemed us and made us vindicated from the wrath of sin and its consequences.

"Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore You saw

I'm not quite sure but I think I read it somewhere that this Dashboard Confessional song speaks of a man's struggle from justification to sanctification unto the
ultimate glorification unto Christ. And it gives me comfort that despite the fact that right now I'm deprived of a lot of comforts in life I could look back and see God's goodness to me and His work of molding me towards maturity. May this be an encouragement to you all.

By the way as for the ATM I've already reported it to Union Bank and Banco De Oro and learned that such occurances are common among those two banks and that such cases are called debit without release. They told me that it'll be restored within a week.


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