Monday, July 05, 2004
I know you might be asking why I am feeling sorry that the weekend has ended for starters it means
that I would have to go back to work again and at the least endure another 5 days of grueling editing jobs. Another is that I would rate the past weekend as one of the most memorable and most meaningful weekends of my very existence.
The past Saturday was very much like any other Saturday where I would go with Jeanie to attend VCF's Youth On Fire Service where later on we'd be going about whatever it is that we'd find profitable to do later, that (is provided that I would be available bacause Saturday is also the day where I'd be practicing bass guitar for the praise & worship team at our church.) But nevertheless this Saturday was an exception since I am not scheduled to play bass on the Sunday service so that very much leaves a lot of free time for me.
The day started out quite great to be honest since I started it with a devotion time that I was actually able to concentrate on, without the distractions of minding the time because I might get late for work and without the distraction of randomly falling asleep in the middle of the passages. Where it was also kicked off with a sort of long telephone conversation with my Kuya Benjie whom I mostly get to see only on Saturday nights and in Sundays, anyways the conversation was really great we talked about a lot of things and it was really the idea that we're talking again in a carefree manner that really touched me since I never really had the time to just talk to him and share my life with him eversince he got married and eversince I went cold in my walk with God, I've always had that indifferent attitude towards the people I care most about but, lo! Here I am again talking to him about my life and about the books I'm reading, the movies I've seen my present struggles and everything in between, and it was only now that I realized that it was one of my faith goals earlier this year when I participated at a prayer and fasting campaign at church, and I am as equally gracious to God for that for heeding my prayer goal.
So on with the day I was also able to spend my free time to bond with Jeanie via going to get our hair cut together, where I got this haircut that sort of looks like the haircut of Yellowcard's singer, and we also both topped it off with going off to meet my best friend Xander at PUP before we set off to VCF.
From there we went on to the service where I really enjoyed the praise & worship because it was one of the very few instances that I get to sing worship songs as part of the congregation instead of being part of the worship leaders. Well anyways the same day is also the day wherein I promised to treat friends and Jeanie's disciples to Likha Diwa for my birthday.
And so after the service we went there and I am glad that they all enjoyed the meal, since the place serves mostly vegeterian meals, and later on came the part where I would be speaking to share a message from the Bible, well, to be honest I was really nervous, since I'm better at expressing things through writing instead of speaking and even though I have already prepared my message a few days before I am still at a lost with what I am about to share.
But still I decided to share the Word since the night would be a complete waste if the Word of God was not spoken I mean after all that's actually God's word and that what He would've wanted me to speak about rather than my rantings about how life works and so I started with a word of prayer where I asked God to guard my lips and to open our hearts that His word would enter it and later on I just spoke.
And to my amazement I was just speaking out words which up to now are a mystery to me that I could explain and expound on Scripture and that I could fluently convey my thoughts to the people I am with at the moment. Truly it was the Holy Spirit that spoke since I know for a fact that I am not that great as a speaker.
The message was that I spoke was about the question: 'what am I living for?' and so it went on for I think about more than an hour but it was worth it I have never seen the Spirit worked with such in my life that he turned my weakness in speaking a strength to speak up and it was one of the things that I also asked my kuya Benjie to pray for earlier the boldness to speak up and as it turned out it was God who chose to speak His word through me.
After that we all decided to go to UP Sunken Garden and on our way there I also had a very in-depth talk with Xander with regards to his question with regards to his faith and his relationship with God and I think it the talk really did clear a lot of things for him. And until that moment I am still at a state of amazement that I could answer his questions in light of Scripture, and later on I was also able to talk with Jeanie's students concerning Christian stuff, and I must say it was really quite an experience since I have never talked so much about God to a number of people.
So as the talk went on one of Jeanie's disciples asked me about my question with regards to what am I living for and in surprised I just gave her this answer which actually came from the apostle Paul where I just said I chose simply to live for God using this passage: "To live is Christ to die is gain." I wasn't quite sure if it was the best answer that anyone could give here but that was what I just spoke there, but as the night ended and as I got myself ready to go to bed the question still lingered to me since what I answered was really vauge and not as specific to pertain to the details of my life.
'What am I living for' anyway? When I was in college I was living to advance a lot of good causes, but now that I am 24 and have already been assimilated into the system that I used to oppose a lot, what really am I living for?
Then as if out of nowhere it a phrase that I believed I saw a long time ago at a bookstore shelf, suddenly poped out of my head. The phrase reads like something like this: "Secular work is fulltime ministry."
And come to think of it its really true God gives us ministries where he predestined us to be effective and my work right now is involved involved with website maintenance and development, which I suppose that's where I ought to make my life a witness to others. And in this case via using this blog, since it really is about me giving away stuff about my life, and therefore I chose to use it and I know that this is this one place where I could be as transparent that I could get to you people since as I've said earlier I am not good at speaking but in writing so I guess this secular 'thing' that I am doing is the means that I must use to be a witness to the world and therefore I chose to use it.