For eversince I can remember I've always been maligned by this apparent look of subversion that envelopes my persona. Guards, cops, teachers and bossess have been all but intimidated and threatened by this look. It is not of the fashion that I sport or the way I look. I don't really understand why. There are a lot more of more vicious and more obvious criminal looking elements but it always has to be me.
In bag inspection lines on malls my bag has always been put to scrutiny to the point that I'd have to take almost all of my stuff out of my bag, just recently I have been put forced explain
for carrying an electric toothbrush. My studed belt have always been suspected as bullets.
Whenever I'd be frisk, the guards would be extra careful in handling me of course I look like what they'd deem to take the initiative of branding as a potential terrorist. There are a lot
more who've slipped past their arrogance. God knows how many times I've been bullied, humuliated, yelled at or plainly made to feel inferior about myself from those kind of people.
Another is that I also catch the fancy of those typical teachers who have this hypocritical self-righteous indignation of purging all external difference to their set of morality that they enforce. All too many times I've been subject to this. Such are merely a facade that reflects the purtrid stench of their souls, I remember my Rizal professor forcing me to leave the class for having spiked hair and was told never to return not until I fix it up. Branding me as a juvenile delinquent a deviot but at the same time gives the class a hint of his sexual perversions by flirting with my female classmates and making grin jokes but still continues expouse us with his deep adherance to Roman Catholicism.
I have this former boss in the newspaper that I used to work to who's been very irritated at me but I do not see of any reason why. He just fancies having me removed from work and there was this one time that he's convincing my editor to fire me for an error that I made in a published portion of the paper's section that I'm in charge of.
I could spend all day elaborating of other times that I've been looked upon as a menace, well maybe I am. Maybe I'm an eyesore. I once thought that it was my punk rock look, but now that I'm not sporting the look it still happens. There are a lot more times that history has proven that the more decent looking persons are the real menaces to society they are the ones who hide in the guise of external and aesthetic charades but deep in it all carries that dark heart of decieit.
Its not justice but what can one do?
This has been a question that I've been struggling with everytime I get into those type of situations and come to think of it the times that I got into such fiascos I've given different responses and some responses I've regretted doing. My the word humble is what should ring into my mind, it my never be justice but God looks upon the heart not the actions. I may be guilty at times or maybe I've caused others to stumble or have acted like an jerk in reacting to what others have to say. Maybe that's the reason its an impressing of the attitude of humble response towards being branded with the look of subversion maybe its just part of how God is molding me.
posted by m35b @ Tuesday, November 23, 2004
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