--->m35b-where collective thought & action germinates<---

who am i?
Wednesday, January 26, 2005

an old work that was recently encoded into the pc by laix

who am i?
i have no face. no body. i know nothing but what i see. i am an eye. no not an
eye. i am the act of seeing. i am quite sane. i am a voice that not only speaks to
a generation, but for generation.
who am i?
am i the one who's been trying to fit in? or am i just another cool kid. am i a
familiar face that disappeared in the boundless sea of people? am i a question
mark or a semi-colon? am i a pathetic example of my organic heritage?
who am i?
i am the paradigm of carefree living. a celebration of alienated consciousness. i
am a confession cut with dry wit. i am a deflecting adventure in thought and
space.
i'm part art.
i'm part mental.
i'm part sexual.
i'm part physical.
i'm part time.
and i am part space.
who am i?
am i sonic disruption buzzing in your ear? am i a familiar tune thrown under
the roof of alternative music, and then ghettoized somewhere left of a radio dial,
rendered immovable with rigor mortis? am i a combination of the mind and a
battered acoustic guitar? am i a melody falling from the sky? or a feedback
blasted to your ear by a resounding distorted electric guitar? am i a question of
style? or perhaps a question of identity?
who am i?
i have journeyed from childhood innocence; to teenage dynamism; to young
glory up to my discharged college life anxiety.
who am i?
am i a former grunge rocker, who once slam danced to nirvana's "smells like
teen spirit," who now raves to the beat of techno music? am i you? ar am i
me? am i either a she or a he? or does it ever matter at all?
who am i?
i am filled with unendurable happiness and the anguish of amorous subjugation
and the crossing and clashing of different principles and ideals.
who am i?
am i in the position to tell what's right from wrong? am i the foundation on which
the moral fabric rests? am i a musical genre that is punk, metal, grunge, rap,
ska, reggea, and hip-hop at the same time?
who am i?
i am the mentor. disturd me if you can. whenever i have an original thought i
forget it right away. yeah, that's me on the corner, with my nasal passges
bleeding from the heat of the spotlight.
who am i?
i am the one who hides in the closet. i am a lazy middle-class intellectual. i am
you and i am everybody. i am a lethargic basement prophet who preaches that
humanity is evil, and civilization is the scum on its surface; underneath we're all
just brutes and savages.
who am i?
am i a so-called "neo-marxist" intellectual who treats marxism as a mere
academic spat? or a perhaps a president who tries to make his country
"business friendly" by keeping his labor, environmental, health, and safety
standards to a minimal? probably a legislator who authorizes policies that
mandate budget cuts in social programs such as education, agriculture, minimum
wage, housing, and health care? or an economic minister who patronizes
liberalism, deregulation and the privatization of public utilities such as electricity
and water services? or an environmentalist who rejects the idea of sustainable
development as an economic and social development that meets the needs of
the current generation without undermining the ability of future generations to
meet their own needs; and radical ecology as a means to preserve the integrity,
stability and beauty of the biotic community?
who am i?
i am a wealthy CEO of a multi-national company who lives in an exploitive logic
that sees human beings as capital, ecosystems as expendable assets, and culture
as a simple commodity. i am a capitalist swine who perceives the world valuable
only in terms of profit, competition and efficiency. or a manager who considers
a labor union as an immediate threat to his business'financial growth.
who am i?
am i a radical who rejects revolution as a catalyst towards true democracy? or
am i a political advocate who envisions the attainment of social change through
the employment of a coup d'etat? am i a trade unionist who compromises with
the management's unjust practices in exchange for funds and special privelages?
who am i?
i am a fast food chain owner who fuels the pollutive meat industry, which
slauthers numerous animals for food and level rainforests for cattle gazing. i am
an industrialists who voluntarily commits genocide to thousands indigenous
ecologically harmonious tribal cultures, raging from assimilation to the market
economy to physical forms such as involuntary displacement and mass murder.
who am i?
am i an urban sprawl dwelling scumbag who seeks utopia in the American
dream as endorsed in advertisements? or a nitwit-slob who finds pleasure in
escapism, and machines that lessens the difficulties of doing or daily chores?
who am i?
i am an anti-social invigorated with angst savored with an adolescent sense of
smash everything nihilism. i am a naive posi-core punk rocker who believes that
the world will change if the punks and skins will unite. moreover i am a typical
jaded parasite one would associate with drop out culture in any form.
who am i?
am i the one who's gonna make a mark in history? am i a failure or a
breakthrough? am i a milestone in genetic engineering? or am i a computer
mistake?
who am i?
i am myself. my existence is on par with the reality that elvis, jim morrison, john
lennon, sid vicious, joey ramone and kurt cobain still live. i am as real as a
myth just like: legitimate freedom of the press, globalization, alternative music,
stress-free relationships, safe-sex and quality airline food.
who am i?
am i sex, paranoia, drugs, morality, war, peace, anarchy, freedom, religion and
revolution rolled into one? am i a utopian? a socailist? am i a communist? am i
a fascist? am i an anarchist? or perhaps a nihilist?
who am i?
hell, i dont know. am i supposed to care if there's a mystery in my actuality?
who am i?
i don't know. but one thing is certain: i am not popular. and i like everybody else, i
want to be someone not just anyone.
so, who am i...?
...we may never know.

On With The Charade
Sunday, January 23, 2005

I thought it was the job of a lifetime….

This is not such a long post for the reason that I am truly not up to blogging right now.

It’s quite strange that something I once had the passion for doing have suddenly became something of a drag ever since I’ve gotten a job as a professional blogger.

Yes its true there is such a thing.

And it’s strange that I am somewhat quite estranged to writing a post right now because I haven’t written one in a week because I am still getting on the phase of this new job.

I hope I’ll find the transition quite peaceable.

For now I’d continue to live in this deceptive blog that I am writing for a living: constantly at a grasp for words so as to write something that would share a life of such a fictitious person that I am representing.
As for me I say: on with the charade….

Bend & Not Break
Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Over dinner a friend of mine talked about her 'emo’ friend who used to detest emo and because he loved metal and how she thinks of him as a poser.

I see her point but then again I was reminded of good friends who were so into punk, emo etc. but have now moved on…

…And come to think of it, her friend’s actions are but natural. Since its just chrono linearity at work time has no other direction but to move forward, making us ‘time-travelers’ to some extent since we’re traversing time from the present towards the future.

To go against it or to chose to stagnate on the present world would simple leave us either dead or as shell-shocked individuals chasing after as Dashboard Confessional would put it: “after a ghost of a good thing.”

I see myself somewhat as that guy to some extent, since I’ve been part of the cultural scene that we know now as ‘punk’ but have come to move on towards the horizon of the real world that is apart from the scene.

But at the same time I also see myself in her shoes since like her I also detest what I call as posers life those friends of mine who used to mosh to Nirvana, but all of a sudden have chosen to rave to techno and sing at videoke bars.

I am not trying to drive at a grand point or anything but I’d like us to consider why moving on isn’t much of an issue of selling out or betraying the scene or rejecting the value of the first spark that fueled one’s expression of his/her troubled hormones into youthful rebellion. I’d also like to take my stab at why counter-cultural movements at times exist as an exclusivist social order.

To start with moving on is just the natural course that one has to take and such is true with the legendary punks that most of those professing to be punk immolate, like that of The Clash, when Joe Strummer chose to part ways with Mike Jones to form The Pougues and the latter to form Big Audio Dynamite and Paul Simonon’s creation of Havana 3AM.

Or that of the direction that both Sting, Elvis Costello and David Byrne chose to tread during the course of their careers.

No longer would we hear Sting chant: “I am the king of pain!” or “I’ll send an S.O.S. to the world” as he used to when he was still with The Police, but would often hear him on songs that no longer would appeal to our tastes simply because it’s too darn complicated for us now but definitely shows more depth and better fits his maturity as an artist.

Nor would Elvis Costello infectiously rant about Oliver’s Army or would claim that Every Day I’d Write A Book, but instead would do simply occasional releases and have collaborations with the likes of Burt Bacarach to sing lounge music.
Who would have known that Byrne who used to sing Psycho Killer would no longer sound like that of his band The Talking Heads but instead would write the musical score of The Last Emperor which by no means sounds like punk rock or even new wave.

Now I’d ask you this question: did they to some extent sold-out to their youthful rebellion or have betrayed the movement that they have once been part of?

Of course not, as for the angst and rebellion, well as far as hormones and angst goes with puberty and adolescence they too die out and take mellower forms which now fuels a deeper sense of it without falling into the bitter trap of nihilism and self-alienation that got the best of Kurt Cobain, Sid Vicious and most of all Johnny “Rotten” Lydon who now sounds more like a whinny old man with spiked hair and a cockney accent but in no sense earns respect with whatever it is that he has to say or moan about.

In fact the same goes for our underground heroes like that of Crass, Conflict, Mike Watts Ian McKaye and Mike Ness. As well as for those whom we’ve wrongly judged as sell-outs like The Offspring and Greenday.

If we’re not so convinced with it then we better take a look also at the local scene.

Many look at Tommy Tanchanco formerly the owner of the Twisted Red Cross label, a traitor to the scene when he chose to manage bands like Introvoys and Barbie’s Cradle but if looked at closely those who are critical of Tommy have moved on themselves in their own way.

I know of some who’ve totally abandoned the scene, sought means to provide for their families as well as those who continue in the scene but this time with the consent of their wives; or have chosen to tread and crossover genres like becoming thrash-metal outfits, fronting a spoken word jazz outfit, to forming reggae and folk bands to simply playing at show bands in cheap gigs at Padis Point.

Now tell me is it such a band thing?

Ask them yourselves they’d give you differing answers all telling you that in their own perspectives they’d think that those decisions were for the best.

As for that of the counter-cultural movement’s exclusivism here’s what I got to say.

We may think that people apart from such a marginalized sub-culture such as that of metal heads or crusties to emo to skaters and so on are exclusive only to their sub cultural niches.

Come to think of it the reason that those of us who claim to be part of this movement have tend to overspecialize with genres totally isolating ‘our thing’ to a marginalized circle of friends that are of common musical interests.

It is sad to think that the very structure of the corporate consumer oriented culture of the mainstream is far more united than that of ours, but at the same time this is what sets us apart from them they may be united but its is their drive for cash and popularity that fuels their unity.

While ours is not fueled by a monopoly of preference but a myriad of influences united by the conviction to prove that there’s an alternative to what is catered on FM radio, MTV, VH1 and the like.

Keeping this in mind it is a sad truth that we tend to overspecialize and to be exclusive with our scenes. To think that way in which we would say that our scene is better than any out there is total bigotry.

And moving on as that which I mentioned in the earlier paragraphs is simply a broadening of utilizing the message on which we stand on just like Dead Kennedy’s Jello Biafairam’s collaboration with Soundgarden’s Kim Thayl and Nirvana’s Chris Novoselic to form the No WTO band.

While those who’ve chosen to remain on their own little would that they call ‘the scene’ that is still bent on adolescent angst and pubescent hormones have in turn isolated themselves turning into shell-shocked dinosaurs of a bygone age that has come to past refusing the welcoming hands of sweet oblivion that demands them to grow up.

It’s no wonder John “Rotten” Lydon is now simply just a whinny loudmouth who hates everything apart from himself.

Here’s one solution proposed from a song that I heard from Chris Carraba.

“Bend and not break. Or break but take it with a smile.”

We are all but pilgrims riding the boat of culture traversing in the ever flowing sea of time towards the future and it is up to us where we’d chose to navigate the rudder and to know when to raise the sail, against the high tide of trends and fads.

This is not the end. This is not even the beginning of the end. It is, instead, the end of the beginning
Friday, January 14, 2005

As the sun sets so then will be the end of yet again another chapter in one's life.

Such is true with mine.
Goodbyes are quite awkward especially if they're given upon a short notice.
This is one of those.
I just learned last Tuesday that the job I’m applying for has accepted me and has allowed me to start reporting by this coming Monday.
Of course this is a farewell to my officemates here at my present work.
I have not much to say, other than thanks for their patience and their extended hands of friendships that have in their own way contributed into what I am presently.
A lot more could be said, but emotion always gets the best of me and tears (if ever) might be shed.
I simply look at this as a positive step forward into getting on with my life at a new workplace and a direction that goes forward into the unknown beyond that has to be treaded.
I give them again my gratitude for the companionship and the countless hours shared at the workplace. Thanks for covering after my insufficient production as well as in my absences. For the snacks that have been shared. The soups and veggies that I was given during lunch. The company and conversations shared. And not to mention the insights and presence that has been shared in our daily common experience of working with the admin page of TA.
This is not such an eloquent goodbye as that of other's who've departed but truly this is well meant.
So long and thanks for the memories....
...I’d crack a smile every time I’d think of two resounding words that has been the catchphrase of my 1 year and 1 month at SVI and that is: TrueAdvantage.

“Its something unpredictable,but in the end is right,I hope you had the time of your life”
greenday
Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)
From the album nimrod

______

Blog search directory

a song that you'd someday hear on your answering machine
Wednesday, January 12, 2005

I'm sitting hereRight beside the phoneBut there's no ring at allNo there's no ring at allI tried to leaveA song in your machineBut there's no room at allThere's no room at allYou know that I'd doAnything just to hearYour voice gainI'd even sing a song or twoJust to hear you say..."I love you""I need you""I want you...""...here by my side"I'm dialing your numberOn the phoneStabbing at the digitsAs I goMy fingertipsTangles on the cordAnd it seems likeThe plunger always Gets the best of me...You know that I'd doAnything just to hearYour voice gainI'd even sing a song or twoJust to hear you say..."I love you""I need you""I want you...""...here by my side"

well it looks as though i'm finally out

i think i'm finally out of this work that i'm in. my job interview yesterday was a sure shot it accepted me as a web master for a site. i hope it would end well i haven't submitted my resignation yet but i hope it'll be hassle free since tis company is quite much of a capitalist and i need my last pay i'm flat broke i can't even buy batteries for my discman. i hope i'll be posting in the coming days from my new workplace that has a salary that is a little lower than this company but it's work is far more interesting and challenging and it also gives me the freedom to do freelance jobs. hopefully this is something worthwhile...

new test rezults
Tuesday, January 11, 2005

in the grand tradition of online quizzes that i find hard to resist not taking here's the results of the last few tests that i've taken:

Abbey Road

Which Beatles Album Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

etchasketch

You're an Etch-a-Sketch!! You're the creative,
artsy type who doesn't need to actually utilize
a single muscle group in order to have fun.
Doesn't matter though, you're still cool.

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Empire Records Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Which My So-Called Life Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty

Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty

Who Would Slaughter You in a Horror Movie? Find out @ She's Crafty

Which Action Star Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

sweet silent requiem
Monday, January 10, 2005

In every single letter

That I type in here

Reveals a side of emptiness

That lingers in my heart
In every single word

That I utter in my mouth

Are screams of pain & anguish

Of a broken man
Maybe if I could write

A letter that's so great

Maybe you'll come back

And see the real me
I will try to pick

The pieces of my broken heat

That longs for your sweet embrace

That means you love me

And that you'll never leave my side

Its sad but true

That its only a dream

Just a dream...
In every stroke of my pen

In every song I sing

Screams a silent requiem

For something that's been lost
In every broken record

That the tape deck plays

Hums a twisted melody

Of a lover's hymn
Maybe if I could write

A letter that's so great

Maybe you'll come back

And see the real me
I will try to pick

The pieces of my broken heat

That longs for your sweet embrace

That means you love me

And that you'll never leave my side

Its sad but true

That its only a dream

Just a dream...

what bugs me now

what bugs me now is that despite the fact that i'm practically being kicked out of this awful situation at work my so-called superiors are then again asserting this high and mighty indignation of theirs for me to extend and work extra time for the client site who's not paying their dues to our company who suddenly thought it would be wise for them to pull out of our web content servicing to avoid paying up for their dues, but at the same time knowing that our company would not let us go instantly from their withdrawal for our services they decided to give us a quota of a 1000 or so site content entries to due for the next 10 days and they won't be paying us for it, and they sent the job in too late today and my wisecracking amazing leader decided to have us extend our working hours for free because it would be unfair for the cheating client. now ain't that a sham and ain't that some kind of poor use of logic for a supposedlly great decision maker. it sucks. arrgh....!

What About Blogs?
Friday, January 07, 2005

i recently got a mail from yehey.com informing me that they're accepting me as a web contributor and being one means that i need to submit articles in contribution to the site's content, at first i was having a hard time on what to write about but it suddenly came to me that one of the things that i could write about is blogging a very great discovery that has changed the way i view the net and so here it goes...

What About Blogs?

By: Chuck Baclagon

Blogs are a common catchphrase nowadays, not to mention a goldmine of sorts for those capitalizing on their prescience in the net. From adolescents to the head-honchos of the corporate world to political ideologues of various causes and affiliations blogs has served as an avenue of putting thoughts into action in these recent years.
A lot could be said about blogs and this piece is just but a humble contribution so as to serve the blogging community by rendering you a piece about blogs and the culture of blogging so that we'd all be more updated with this latest phenomenon on the arena of the world wide web.

About the term
To start with the term, 'blog' is basically derived from the technical terms weblog, a blog, is simply a web application that contains periodic, chronologically ordered posts on a common web page that is accessible to any Internet user.
It was originally coined as "weblog" by Jorn Barger in December 1997 the basic tenet of creating blogs is for the purpose of creating a continual tour of an individual's life within the Net so as to give out details pertaining to the actual life of the site's author.
While the shorter term "blog" could be credited to that of Peter Merholz who in April or May of 1999 broke the word weblog into the phrase "we blog" in the sidebar of his weblog which got the fondness of other like minded souls who've visited his weblog and eventually creating a new name for this forthcoming phenomenon that was to be blogging.
As usage spread during 1999 which was interpreted as a short form of the noun weblog and with the word being further popularized by the near-simultaneous arrival of the first hosted weblog tools: Evan Williams and Meg Hourihan's company Pyra launched Blogger a popular blog service provider that hosts weblogs under the tag Blogspot.
As of March 2003, the Oxford English Dictionary included the terms weblog, weblogging and weblogger in their dictionary.

How it all started
Precursors of the blogs could be traced back to the era of Associated Press newswires, to Usenet and e-mail lists that were created for running conversations with threads on a given venue of broadcast. But it wasn't until the mid to late 90s that such interaction that we have come to know as blogging came into what it is popularly known.
It began when Evan Williams in San Francisco figured out how to update his website by just typing text into a text box. Normally, the way to update a website, through the use of an HTML editor to edit the text and add HTML formatting, and then using FTP to upload it, to enable the new page to become available within the site.
But all that change when Williams introduced a newer method that allowed him to open a webpage, type text into a text box, click Submit, and it was instantly available as a webpage. Thus launching the common blogging method that most of us who're blogging are familiar with.
As it progress became one of the pioneers of the tools that make blogging more than merely websites that scroll. His most important contribution was the creation of which weblogs would to show that they had updated. Which was introduced when he created the Radio Userland blog tool.
Meg Hourihan could be noted for the development of the blog and its culture when she the co-founder of Pyra or blogger.com with Evan Whilliams, which was eventually bought by Google which along with LiveJournal, Xanga and the rest these blog hosting sites eventually spreadout and made blogging more accessible to a wider audience.

Blog Culture
Blogs basically run in all shapes and interests, from individual diaries to arms of political campaigns, media programs and corporations, and from one occasional author to having large communities of writers. There some that are maintained by single authors, while others have multiple authors. Many weblogs enable visitors to leave public comments, which can lead to a community of readers centered around the blog; while there are others that are non-interactive.
Like all cultural communities blogging has spawned into a burgeoning subcultural niche that spans into various culture since it was was as much about technology as politics, culture and arts as well as the proliferation of tools to run blogs and the communities around them connected blogging with various cultural and social movements.
For example there arewriters such as that of Larry Lessig and David Weinberger who used their blogs to promote not just blogging in specific, but different social models in general.
As well as other communities that advance their varying agendas, such as that of in early 2002, a number blogs began to spring up rallying to support the invasion of Iraq which are known as "war bloggers" that are primarily from the right end of the political spectrum, that includes the blog Instapundit into advancing mass support for the planned invasion of Iraq.
The role of blogs became increasingly mainstream in the arena of politics in 2004, as political consultants, news services and candidates using them as tools for outreach and opinion building. In the summer of that year both the Democratic and Republican National Conventions credentialed bloggers, to advance their political campaigns of both their parties and blogs became a standard part of the publicity arsenal, with mainstream programs.
Another usage of blogs came in the form providing independent journalism which became famous when Iraqi bloggers came into the limelight like that of Salam Pax, an Iraqi teenager, maintained a blog wherein he reported storise about daily life in Baghdad during height of the US-led invasion of Iraq.
Because of such marks on contemporary Merriam-Webster's Dictionary declared "Blog" as the word of the year in 2004.

Types
Personal- It is an online diary or journal where people write day-to-day experiences, complaints, poems, prose, illicit thoughts and more, often allowing others to contribute, fulfilling to a certain extent Online diaries are often integrated into the daily lives of many teenagers and college students, with communications between friends playing out over their blogs.

Topical – A common blog type that focuses on a specific subject matter, often a technical one notable of which is the Google Blog which focuses on nothing but Google news.

Political- Another common kind of blog where often an individual links to articles from news web sites and post their own comments as well on the political/social issues that the above said article tackles. Many of these blogs comment on whatever interests the author as well as his political leanings.

Directory - Weblogs that are useful for web-surfers because they provide their collected numerous web sites with interesting content in an easy to use and constantly updated format.

Corporate – Focuses mainly on employees of corporations that are posting official or semi-official blogs about their work.

Photoblog - Digital cameras and broadband connections has made it ever easier to post and share photos on the web to share life experiences and the like to their audience whereupon the visitors could post comments pertaining to the photographs displayed.

To End
Blogs are a major part of the web, along with websites, email, instant messaging (IM), P2P file sharing, and so on because blogs makes it possible to carry out a conversation in public, with hundreds of thousands of readers. Another is that it enables a lot of Internet users to keep up with developments on the web. Lastly it provides independent self-expression that is available to anyone and that it makes it possible for an individual to speak out their minds in the global community of the world wide web.
It is the desire of this author that a lot more would become enlightened to the untapped potentials of blogging in all avenues of life. I suggest that if ever you are reading this that you should try setting up your own blog and experience it yourself because actually doing it is the best lesson that you could learn about blogs and how they work for you personally, there are a lot of blog hosting sites available if you'd search it in your favorite search engine so I suggest that its time to start blogging and joining the global community of individual and independent self-expression.

idle time musings

perched on a sterile swevil chair

starring at a blank screen

the feeling is cold

typing strokes on a keyboard

familiar words surface

revealing tainted emotions

of an inivitable goodbye

that one must soon face

click on a mouse

scroll down the browser

this routine's ending

only time will tell...

estranged...
Thursday, January 06, 2005

this is not quite a foreign sensation that i often entertain. but right now i'm really worried that if i stay long enough in this feeling towards a good friend of mine i might totally end up exploding my fuse since a lot has been going on in my life thse days especially with this soon to be unemployed phase again its back to the busy streets of ortigas & makati for me. i have nothing much to say really. and i'd like spare you of the whining. so i guess this is it for this post. in a couple of ours i'll be out i have job interview.

the year in a month's perspective
Tuesday, January 04, 2005

this is something that i'd like to share to new folks who've just entered this seemingly sporadic life of mine as well as to those who've been sucked into my own little world for quite some time now. i hope you'll find delight in taking a look back at the year that was 2004 from my perspective. as for the new ones i hope this would be a great opportunity to catch up with what has been going on lateley.

take a look back at december
in the months that have come and gone
Looking Back At The Month That Was September

Looking Back At August

Remember The Past Month Of July

Remember The Past

by the way i've also started out an EMO BLOG feel free to check it out just click on the "emo blog" in bold faces. thanks.

take a look back at december
Monday, January 03, 2005

you know this is a sort of tradition for this blog already and as usual its a few days late anyways i hope you find this posts worthwhile. thanks.

A Late Christmas Post
why celebrate christmas?
Chirstmas Is Cheap
another post (for what ever its worth posting for...)
all the more reason to prove punk of its value that goes beyond the mowhawk and the studs
pay it forward practice pics
where have all the records gone?
compositions
in the months that have come and gone

starting the new year with a bang

To start with let me just say that as I look back to the year that was 2004 I could not help but crack a smile in my face, mainly because of the fact that I had a lot of worthwhile memories during that past year and not to mention it was that year that this blog was initiated.
I just got back from church camp a few days ago, and it was quite a very intimate spiritual experience for me I must say since it revived me with a new sense of purpose in my life to serve the Most High and express my genuine concern for the lost and it has also revealed to me the evangelism style that best suits my personality. Another is that it is an eyeopener for me to understand how far I am now from my dearest friends who have chosen to stay in the sidelines in what is to be called Christianity, and how they are now somewhat jaded by the fact that I have decided to move on with this act of surrender to God, and that they're still busy with thinking and weighing it out, I have nothing against them, I just pray that they'd soon realize the need to nurture their newly sowed relationship with God. Its also worth saying that I've also had a great time at camp with my church friends that have no political and punk/emo musical clingings just the kindred identities we had in Christ, its quite amazing also to think that the God of all creation was versatile enough to share His love for all people regardless of their cultural, racial, etc backgrounds, which I observed when I got the chance to interact with the other campers from LA's Saddleback Church. All in all it was more that worthwhile for an activity during the holidays it was God sent.
Another is that I just got bad news from work though up to now I am not yet that entombed with a sense of distress and despair upon after hearing the news that the outsourced web content management project that I'm working on here at the office has its contract terminated by the client from the states, causing me and my other teamates in the project in a state of limbo for another 30 days here at the office. We're allowed to stay for another month paid without having much to do until the company finds another project for us to work on or until we find a new one outside the company which is a very viable option. But true enough if there's no work that is to be rendered to us for the next 30 days it will be bye bye for us.
And as I look back at a previous post I was reminded of a vow that I made that this January I'll be leaving this company for good, but it looks as though that I am taking my entire department with me in my exodus. To me I guess it is a good indicator that God has something better for me outside of this company and that I was at least able to fulfil a written vow that I broadcasted here in this blog.
But it is quite sad to think about the fate of my other officemates who are now busy with their jobstreet accounts to search for a new job. I often manifested my angst in this blog by allegorically describing myself as cattle or a commodity to my boss but I overlooked the fact that though I regard myself as one there are others who liked or never really did looked at themselves as such, mainly because they enjoy what they're doing or are just contented with the fact that they have a stable source of income.
But whatever reason it may be the future is but a bleak disrupted by this sad news, and for all we know maybe we're better off with a new start at new occupations at some other company or whatever vocation it may be.
For now I look forward with a lot of uncertainities at what the coming days holds for me as well as that persistent thinking in my head where I am grasping for words so as to break this sad news to my parents. I am scared. I feel helpless and uncertain. I see a lot of options. But one thing is certain it is this conviction that I have to such a profound statement: "I may not know what the future may hold but I know Who holds the future."
I guess it is where I'll hold fast for the moment....

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