Thursday, September 30, 2004
During the initial period of this blog I have written a piece reviewing a site that I've come to enjoy visiting. But sad to say right after I've published that article I've not yet come to visit that site again. That site is emogame.com it is a warehouse that points to a lot of references within the present emo culture.
A lot of people would take humor at visiting such a site especially at playing Flash created video games that takes pun out of every imaginable American trash that we have come to enjoy during the 80s and early 90s.
Fortunately I got the chance to visit the site again just a few minutes ago and with that I was prompted to write this piece, though it might appear redundant to some of you I'd like to take special notice to that of the Anti-Bush Game, which also is a good focal point to understanding why a lot of people all over the world are hating Bush and his neo-conservative policies towards the rest of the world.
A lot of you know that I have a firm stand against US Imperialism and its other ills especaially that's because the country that I live in is one of its unofficial colonies so to speak and that fact also is one of the reason why the Philippines being a third world country cannot go beyond the long shadow that has been cast down over our national identity.
So how does this relate to emo game you may ask?
As much as I'd like to give you a direct answer for that I'd simply like to give you a story, last Sunday my sister and her husband watched Farenheit 911 for free at the University of the Philippines Film Center a movie that I have not come to watch yet but based on what she says its a very humorous look at the utter ignorance of the Bush administration and its arrogant response towards the act of terrorism that hit them on that fateful day of September. She said that one could not help but laugh and be angred at the same time upon watching the movie.
So again you may ask how is this related to emo game?
Here it is plain and simple to people who are yet to see the movie the Anti-Bush game is a very good primer at understanding the extent of the damage caused by the misguided ideology of spreading the American dream to the rest of the world. Like Farenheit 911 the game also offers more than just entertainment packaged in the humor of the game but moreover it offers something that is more of value that is: kowledge.
I used to listen to this band called Propagandhi who live by this motto: "Knowledge is power, so arm yourself!"
To many of us this would seem like a very silly motto uttered only by the likes of Ernie Baron but true enough this is something that the game has to offer.
Though I must admit I have yet to play the game in its full completion, but nevertheless I've browsed and read all the issues tackled in the game, which are neatly organized in a drop down menue below the game's screen.
And one particular issue got the best of me.
The issue of making the self-righteous stand of America upholding Christianity by launching wars of agression against the muslims. Coming from a Christian background this got my attention since a lot of 'Christian' leaders are for this war.
I would agree with them that to some extent the war could be justified, but nonetheless the real issue about the war is about the issue of launching a military attack against a group of people that do not share the same vision as that of America.
Is it just?
Consider this statement by Oscar Romero:
"Even when they call us mad, when they call us subversives and all the epithets they put on us, we know we only preach the subversive witness of the Beatitdues, which have turned everything upside down"
Military attacks equals to violence, injuries and most of all death. Military attacks are planned, thus it is pre-meditated, this in Biblical terms it is 'murder'.
With this in mind I give you now the pre-village to decide for yourself if such is a just war.
There was also this interesting conversation between Jesus and Bush wherein Bush asks Jesus whom Bin Laden would vote for between him and his Democratic opponent John Carey.
(Though I must admit that the way of presenting Jesus here is somewhat misguided to the point that borders to making a mockery of Him, which I utterly disagree with but what is written there clearly speaks of a particular truth that can be better understood if one would read their conversation)
What struck me was this response that Jesus gave Bush which says Bin Laden definitely would vote for Bush, simply because the current mindset of Bush is very much the same as that of Bin Laden, they both monger for proving themselves right whether it would mean the lives of innocents, they are that serious enough at proving their point that they would misquote and directly un-orthodox usage of Scriptures to justify their war mongering aspirations. And it is a sad fact that Bush is rallying the American people to give the terrorists more reasons to hate America more which is really what makes a lot of people disenfranchised with what they would perceive as Christianity, which is really not.
To end I'd like us to keep in mind that one of the tenets of the Gospel is that salvation from eternal hell came out of God's love for mankind that He gave us Jesus Christ to redeem us and to justify us in the eyes of God, which is very much an example of perfect love for neighbor, Christ being sinless chose (in fact Hebrews 12 says looked at it as a 'joy set before him') to endure the cross and pay the penalty for our sins.
The Bible says that 'Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself' (Mark 12:31) this is the second greatest comandment. If ever America are that sincere at waging war against the terrorist and the members of what they call the 'Axis of Evil' then they should keep this in mind, and do their best to reconsider their tactics seeing that they boast of their Christian indignation then therefore their professed orthodoxy (right thought) should be manifested with their orthopraxy (right action). For America to win against terrorism they must find a way to resolve their imperialist interests and their political issues pertaining to their hegemony, so that the terrorists will have no reason to hate them.
So for those of you who seeks to gain a further understanding of why Bush's agenda should be opposed please do find time to visit the site by clicking --->here<---
The Anti-Bush Game
Reflecting Upon The Death Of Johnny
Some Kind Of Song
An Open Letter To Those Who've Been Outsourced
A Testament To Romans 8:28
I'll simply make mention of solidified independent sentences that speaks of...
Strolling The Streets On Saturday Night Carrying An Electric Guitar On You Back
Life sucks and then you die
scriptures, spontaneous downpours and barbecue grills
Late Nights, Road Trips and Blood Letting
Looking Back At August
Lets see what other's have to say about m35b...
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
I know not much has been changed but nevertheless this is a new look at the blog. Another is that now that I've accomplished the main part of the renovation I can now go freely into innovating the other pages for this blog such as the links, site ring, guestbook and the literary portfolio that really sucks, but anyways I can now get on into working with them.
Another if you haven't checked it out yet please do find the time to visit the life's emotion blog. It has a link exchange icon on the sidebar feel free to use it.
That's it I guess.
I know that I haven't been posting anything worthwhile in the past few days or so though a lot has been happening in my life apart from what I'm doing here at work as well as in the renovation of the blog, the problem with that is that I guess I'm presently having thie 'lazy writing spells' right now since I can't get myself into writing worthwhile lately, another is that I guess I got exhausted with the previous lengthly posts that I wrote a few weeks ago anyways I guess I'll tell you of my continuing adventures in the days to come.
Until then, God bless.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
As the title of this post suggest this is very much just a shameless plug for a new blog that has been launched just this Saturday a blog that belongs to that of my friend Mark De Guzman whoose personal site is also listed on my web ring as well as on the links portion of this blog.
Anyways if ever you're interested in viewing such likeminded views on the world and the like I encourage you to drop by his blog by clicking your mouse --->here<---
A best of September is already on the way and hopefully this will be completed come October 1.
Monday, September 27, 2004
Please excuse the mess...
The renovation of this blog is still ongoing though more than half of the work has already been put into implementation still a lot of work needs to be made, hopefully the updating will be finished before the week ends.
For the meantime I hope you'll bear with the messy layout.
Friday, September 24, 2004
This is not a very eloquent eulogy that fits the greatness and respect that Johnny Ramone has earned on my part but I do promise that I'll do my best to give this man my final respect.
...And then there were three...
I didn't believe Jeanie when she told me that Johnny Ramone has passed away I was quick to shrug her of the statement I told her that maybe it was just Joey or Dee Dee both of whom have already passed away almost a year ago. But again to the astonishment of my self-arrogant ego she was right.
I was randomly searching the net this morning to appease the boredom that envelops me here at work, and I decided to type Johnny Ramone on the Google search bar. To my surprise news of his death were the dominant results that came from my query, and the results were astonishing. The results that came out were not simply out of some cheap trashy tabloids, nor in DIY zines but from mainstream media news services that of CNN and BBC.
It says that Johnny died in his sleep, after a 4 year battle with Prostrate Cancer which was ironic since among all the band members he was the one who lived the least excessive life a life that was not bent on cigarettes, alcohol and drugs.
I know that by now numerous other well-written tributes, eulogies and obituary entries have been written for this great man, whom I have never met but was very influential for making me pickup a guitar and start a band. One of the few guitarists whose riffs I can mimic merely by listening to them on our old tape deck.
Kevin Arnold from the television show The Wonder Years once said:
"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."
And I believe that this statement could be said true to the sense of remorse that I am feeling right now at the death of a significant musical influence in my life. He will be missed and rarely would the scene ever come across a musician that is so stripped down on his musicality such as that of Johnny. Another is that rarely would there ever be another individual such as Ramone who also happened to be such a rebel within the confines of such a rebellious scene. He was a diehard conservative Republican from the time he formed The Ramones with Joey, Dee Dee and Tommy up until the Ramones' indictment at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, that was before he was hospitalized and eventually died. Though our politics may never have anything akin I respect him for being a true radical in his own right and for being well meaning enough to stick to a leftist scene that is punk rock.
Again I say this is not a very eloquent eulogy that best serves as a testament of such a great musical muse, but this is written so as to give my final respect for the man that Johnny was and with this I bid him my deepest condolences.
Click here for Johnny's profile
Click here to read a Washington Times Article about him before he died
Click here for CNN's Report on his death
Click here to read a BBC eport on his death
Click here to rean an interview with Johnny
To be perfectly honest
I'm missing you now
But I do believe
That God's got a plan
Because the Lord of all creation
Is also the Lord of our emotions
So let us keep in mind
To yield our hopes & aspirations
Becuse to follow Him
Is to shed ourselves
And our imperfections away
To put on the new man
To live in His grace
To carry our crosses
To the path that He tread
To live is Christ to die is gain
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Well to start with I must say that I've really been busy with a lot of stuff other than the never ending workload that I got here.
As you may have noticed I've also been a lot busy with others such as the onslought of birthdays for the past two weeks namely that of Cedric, Charisse and Jeanie.
Another is the sudden influx of the writing muse in my feeble head again which enabled me to write the previous 3 posts below. Another is that I'm also busy in trying to formulate a new 'feel' to the blog and as you may see I have already begun to put into action the modifications on this blog's sidebar.
Another worth mentioning is the site ring Unity of Opposites which I've set up 2 weeks ago which is still in its formative stages since I've yet to finish writing its manifesto and have yet to send it out to the world at large.
Lastly I'm also still in the process of fully accomplishing the task of putting up my literary portfolio which as of this time still sucks, web & graphic wise since I've still yet to master the html coding on same page linking.
As for other things I'm glad that I've recently got the chance to attend at GBC with Aga & Laix. It was really cool we even attended Sunday School.
Another thing was this cool 3-day celebration of Jeanie's birthday which started last Friday and extended up to Sunday. It was cool there were lots of friends, great food and a whole lot of time spending it on studying Scripture as well as taking pictures and roaming to and fro around the premises of Cubao.
It's cool also that we've finally got to invite Charisse to join this new band that me and Laix are planning on forming though we've still yet to go on our first practice at the studio we're greatful that we've already started on formalizing it.
Lastly there's also this thing that Laix and I talked about setting up his new blog where it would contain mostly his drawings and mine, and we hope to be able to launch it anytime soon and we're also planning on making a comic book that we'll be posting on that blog so keep posted.
That's it I guess, I gotta take my lunch I'm really very hungry right now. Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
I know that I might come a little bit too harsh on you with what I've written here but nevertheless this is written in loving concern so as to give you an insight as to how you should evaluate your present situation. I am not expecting you to agree with me nor am I convincing you to do so, but nevertheless this is worth your precious time.
No matter how you'd like to think of it, it would always appear as though there are people who try to manipulate you as though you owe them big time or whatever. They tend to treat you as that of cattles, trying to milk out every erg of dairy they'd like to get their greedy hands on. In this context it is called production. This is what it's like with the industry bloom of the Business Process Outsourcing industry, the foreign corporates know very well how cheap manpower is in this country, and how gullible the lazy middle class population under the mindset of colonial mentality are. And as greed would have it their way they'll always try to continue in exploiting this human resource. Its called cheap labor and though those under this said bracket of new industry it would appear as though we are earning a lot but take another look at the buying power of a single dollar in our import-dependent-export-oriented economy? A dollar is worth more or less P50 so imagine if you'll be earning something like P10, 000 a month its simply $200 for them tough luck ei? We're cheap labor. Don't be fooled by the woes and awe-inspiring potentials given by the spectacle of the American dream. We're simply cheap labor. It's now as though they love us or anything though you'd like to think of it that way. What have you got for your self really?
No Filipino speaking policy?
Group outings and travel incentives?
A new cell phone every time Nokia, Ericson and the rest would launch a new model that's almost capable of functions that are of a PC?
Or that precious new IPod of yours that simply contain the collection of your favorite songs that you'd also hear when you'd turn your dial to LSFM, K-Lite, Magic and RX?
You're in the IT industry and as you may know, it is one of the current arenas of trade that is more susceptible to paradigm shifts, there's no security in that kind of job. In 5 years time a new technology would have been developed that would prove to be more efficient and cheaper than maintaining silly humans at taking on the task. Now ask yourself am I secure, is this my dream fulfilled.
By the way have you ever remembered how it was to be a Filipino lately?
I can see that the policy of forcing you to speak English at all times in the workplace has gotten so accustomed to you now. I can see that you're stars twinkle with the hope of falling into the waiting arms of Uncle Sam or the Statue of Liberty. I congratulate you also for successfully healing that 'p' and 'f' deficiency that has caused you a lot of humiliating moments when you are still in college. I admire the fact that you now talk about the Amazing Race, Fear Factor, Smallville, CSI and all the other available shows that you can see on AXN, HBO, Star and all those other cable stations since you really got enlightened with the idea that free channels are on for those poor ones who cannot afford cable. I can see also that your vocabulary on American slang has been quite eloquently expanded in your speech. Golly you're now also this brilliant mind that could explain and expound on giving advice about relationship and emotional problems, by quoting the greatest and most authoritative institutions of our age: MTV, Oprah and Dr. Bill, Hollywood not to mention Kris Aquino and Tito Boy (the greatest propagandist of Filipino secession and outright mass media hedonism). Oh, how I envy you that you're off and well to becoming an American if it wasn't for that silly old law of nature called genetics. Darn, being brown skinned could get in the way of negating our natural heritage.
I can see that you're of so well and cool sporting that Lee, Nike, Addidas, Esprit, Fila, U2 etc. Strutting around like some human billboard or like a fashion page from Vanity Fair or the Cosmopolitan. I tell you those cheap rags could be bought for a measly P35 at Ukay-ukay's every 15th and 30th days of the month. If you'd have bought it there you might have even contributed to feeding the hungry and clothing the poor because the revenues of those shop could be traced down to the Salvation Army.
Can't you see it's all just a spectacle?
Everything you own right now that you've bought in the mall are in one way or another a client, subsidiary, affiliate, branch, partner, venture associate of the company that you're working for right now, and come to think of it would it be safe for me to say that you're simply paying back the company that you work for by patronizing that. Its all but a spectacle what you earn is simply that same first salary that you got, the possessions you have are but freebies but the bulk of your income is just recycled and goes through the same long process that leads to you having yourself get paid, and paying your employer back the salary that you just received. Now ain't it a spectacle.
I know you won't admit it but that gut feeling in you says that it's true.
So what do we do now, you ask?
Confront the spectacle at its own irrelevance.
You're in the IT industry; you have access to the Internet. Type DIY ethics. (After all its way shorter than typing Friendster.com on your IE browser.)
If in any case you're wondering what DIY stands for, it stands for do-it-yourself. It's a catch phrase for a broad spanning culture of thought and practice that confronts the capitalist spectacle that envelopes our materialistic world. It is not in any way related to authoritarian Leftism or Communism, as you'd rather refer to it in layman's jargons. It is simply living a life that speaks of making a positive contribution to the world we live in without getting out of the rotten system that we live in. It is wreaking havoc at the enemy strongholds from within.
Now you may be asking what am I to do. I've told you already, surf the net and read about it I am not some self-professed ideological leader in vein with, Marx, Mao, Lenin and Stalin. And that very reason is what sets this movement apart from that of the Authoritarian Communist Left that fell on the onset of the 90s. This is libertarian or as some more radical circles of the movement would call it, anarchist. You have a mind think. This is not a movement that is based on the commands of a self-professed 'great leader'. This movement is the embodiment of the principle of 'leadership of ideas'. This is about personal initiative rather than a centralized, pragmatic political line that should adhere to the tenets of a specific ideological Party.
I cannot find no better description of this idea other than that of Simone Weil:
"Whether the mask is labeled Fascism, Democracy, or Dictatorship of the Proletariat, our great adversary remains the Apparatus - the bureaucracy, the spectacle. Not the one facing us across the frontier or the battle lines, which is not so much our enemy as our brother's enemy, but the one that calls itself our protector and makes us its slaves. No matter what the circumstances, the worst betrayal will always be to subordinate ourselves to this Apparatus, and to trample underfoot, in its service, all human values in ourselves and in others."
How does this quotation above relate to this you ask?
Simple: let's play a little association game shall we?
I'll say Pedigree, and obviously you'd say dog.
I'd say 'toxic' and definitely you'd say Britney.
I'd say Ernie and you'd say Bert.
Now that we've come to a full comprehension of the game let's make it a bit more challenging.
I'd say false hype and promises and then I'd encourage you to pickup a Sunday Job Market section of the Inquirer and read all the call center ads.
Then let's see if those words that summizes the Simone Weil quote would ring a bell in that silly old brain of yours.
Now get on into it, type those three letters on that search engine browser of yours and start your initiative for that individual revolution that is living your life. Peace.
Monday, September 20, 2004
We both shared this one time when Jeanie was going through a difficult time with her Masteral thesis. We lacked finances, her panel was uncooperative, the PUP GS demanded her of a lot of financial burdens, her parents were unsupportive, we almost got ripped off by cell phone shops, she didn't have a source of income at the time, my salary was lowered because I was transferred to morning shift. We wept, we walked long distances because we can't afford a ride, we prayed at the jeep we cried, and she was on the brink of a nervous breakdown. We were ‘living on a prayer’, to quote Bon Jovi.
All seemed lost and it was the day of her defense, her friends Angelica & Gisele came to her aid, her co-teacher Edward landed her money that was payable when able. A friendship between her and her adviser Dr. Pasumbal blossomed. She was the only one who graduated from her batch. She also got the top grade for that thesis. And the thesis had served as a worthy contribution for the cause of women's' liberation from patriarchal chauvinism of a political system that has been dominated by men. And was recognized as a testimony of triumph by both revolutionary and reactionary movements that sought for women's empowerment.
Afterwards everything unfolded unto God's perfect timing:
A PDL seminar was started among the Mascom faculty of PUP, and rifts between her old college professors and her were patched up. The Christians in Adamson were united for the cause of spreading the gospel, thus giving birth to a fellowship in Adamson. Jem, Joan and Charisse responded to the call of the gospel and so did Michelle and Gera as well as others whose name I’ve either forgotten or never knew. Her sister got more serious with her faith that she chose to end her relationship with her INC boyfriend. Her students repented of unspeakable deeds that ranged from materialism, hedonism, sexual bondage and the like. Atheists and agnostic convictions shattered and seeds of doubt from the capacity of the individual self to sought personal salvation were planted. Aga got to look beyond all the burdens that he's carrying now. The good work that God started in Laix when he received Christ became a thirst for him to desire to know God more. Cell groups were started and camaraderie was established between her and Monica. A long awaited reunion between her high school best friend and her was made. The things that we never at the time thought we would give up we yielded up wholeheartedly to God's Lordship and that is our relationship. We may no longer be as intimate as were back then but we are now on fire for Him more than we were ever before in our lives.
It is also worth noting that after the thesis we still made the same amount of money and we have been in more financially tight situations but nevertheless we barely noticed it; God's provision is already sufficient for us and we are glad that we are losing what we own and earn for the purpose of buying Bible's buying meals, coffee, pre-paid loads, transportation and the like so that we'd be able to speak of His great work in us. Nor did we have already replaced the cell phones we lost nor do we make it a point to replace them nor do we constantly mourn over the lost of such things. Not to mention if we are to be deemed as successful in the secular sense of the word we would totally amount to as losers, but nevertheless that is of no merit to us whatever the world may see or think of us right now.
In fact the Spiral Staircase song: 'I Love You More Today Than Yesterday' could now be considered as a song that would describe our present love for the God, who saved us and gave us this new song in our hearts and has seen us through whatever difficulties it were that we've faced and for ultimately revealing to us that Romans 8:28 is indeed something that we could hold unto, when circumstances dwindle to our disadvantage. And all this is indeed a source for us to all the more praise God and declare his awesome purpose from our first halleluiah to our final amen.
This is not yet the end, it is but merely the beginning...
Thursday, September 16, 2004
I was barely a year out of high school when I first stumbled into Jeanie. I was eating a bag full of Nova (or was it Piatos?) in the MassComm lobby alone and introverted as usual when all of a sudden she came right in front of me asking if she could have some of the snack that I'm at that very moment consuming. It was really weird every time I come to think of it and she was with her friends Angelica and Gisele at that time. But nevertheless that was simply the beginning or better yet a foreshadowing of something big that's to come.
It wasn't until the closing days of the school year when I later caught up with Jeanie again, it was my band's first gig at school and it was the foundation day of our college and we were about to play our set when I heard Jeanie screeching: "Go Chuck" as she sat on the floor perpendicular to where we were about to play our music and get ourselves humiliated big time. As I think of it now really I cannot help but laugh as well because after the 'go Chuck' was the sound of her voice yelling: "Whooo drums!" which was really all about sarcasm since our drummer at the time Jarme, (who also happened to be one of the lousiest drummers that I've known if ever there is one) was playing this pathetic beat mimicking The Offspring's 'Come Out & Play'. The gig ended right in the middle of our second song the organizers were poor planners and they could not accommodate all the listed bands that are slotted to play so they decided to cut off our playing time, so as to give way for the next band, and by the time that I was out and off the stage after a handfull of cursing the sight of Jeanie was there no more. But that again was still another foreshadowing.
A couple of days later I was surprised when Damaso, (the designated class irregular-student-bum in our block) asked me to write down my number on this piece of paper so as to give it to Jeanie. I was flattered so as if I was trying to impress her or something like that I wrote down 2 telephone numbers one is for our PLDT and another is for our Bayantel phone that was installed by my brother for his modem. It was around 10 when I got to talk to her via our Bayantel phone. She told me about how she was a friend with another band that played in the same gig, and how she loves Korn, Rage and a whole lot of other bands that played that angry rap-m stuff at the time. While I told her I was into punk rock and that my most influential musses are Greenday and The Cure. Again that was but another foreshadowing.
But as time pressed on and went into its natural course and direction things unfolded at the start with a symposium that me and Laix went to because Jeanie invited us. But going further it grew and blossomed into almost 6 full years of things that I could no longer make mention in a mere simple paragraph of sorts but instead I'll simply make mention of solidified independent sentences that speaks of that 6 full years.
Looking back I could all but remember the:
The Bible stories.
The nighttime prayers.
Playing Tekken 3 and beating up a host full of challengers and the occasional team-ups with Reginald.
The late night talks.
The long idle chitchat and gossiping at Ali's house.
The countless movies. The horror flicks.
The Cartoons: Cow & Chicken, Ren & Stimply, I Am Weasel, Hey Arnold, The Rugrats, Wild Thornberry's, Spongebob Squarepants, As Told By Ginger, GTO, Justice League, Teen Titans, X-Men Evolution, Beavis & Butthead, The Simpsons, Futurama etc.
The late night movies search for B-Flicks with gore and senseless violence.
The music we've listened to and sang: The Ramones, The Clash, Plumb, Texas, The Cure, Greenday, Letter To Cleo, Save Ferris, Gin Blossoms, The Sex Pistols, Rancid, Ash, MxPx, Sonic Flood, Jars of Clay, Sixpence None The Richer, Blink 182, Dashboard Confessional, United Live, Hillsong, etc.
The affiliations that have been: TABAK, KATRIBU, ANAKBAYAN, CEGP, Anarcho-Punks, BK, Youth On Fire
The dogs that have come and gone: Black, Jaguard, Murphy, Druiness, Jarod, Odie, Klondyke, Kuya, and Grownor.
Buying countless P35 cassttes on the sale bins at SM record bars.
The October and Novermber Christmas shopping.
Saint Jude, and Santa Clara churches.
The long conversations about how life is as a punk in his 30s with Darwin and Ab at Radiation Area Distro.
Our escapades on ACA San Juan, Star City, Bicol, Taft Avenue, Robinsons Place, Mendiola, Greenbelt, Tandem Recto, Ali Mall, Riverbanks, PCBS, Powerbooks Makati etc.
Our long walks in Ayala, Cubao, V. Mapa, UP, Teachers Village.
Me being hospitalized twice.
The hospitals we went to for a number of times. Most recently with the lung affliction diagnosis that she received from her medical exam at EAC which as of this writing has been healed, thank God.
The friends and acquaintances: Laix, Gisele, Angelica, Buddy, Cheng & Len Len, Ali, Raquel, Reginald & Weng, Cedric, Mark, Jarme, Melody, Mia, Fritz, Toto, Marlo, GL, Riva, Karl, Marianne, Edward, Jocson, Bunny, Delbert, Michelle, Gera, Ana, Rovic, Michael, Shirley & Ruth, Shondel, Lolo Eliseo, Mang Bruce, Aldy, Kiko, Gomer, Chris, Ms. Elaine, Charisse, Jem, Aga, Monica, Aina, Darwin, John Fishbone, Mang Jun Alberto as well as the lefties, greens, anarchists, skaters, goths, emo nerds, indie geeks, punks, and Jesus freaks that we've met along the way.
The stargazing at Sunken Garden accompanied by the talk about physics and light years.
Designing the layout for her magazine project.
Doing the graphic design and web maintenance for Pinaybloodrush.
The hypothetical questions game that we play.
The books that we've read: The Bible, The Little Prince, Philippine Society & Revolution, The Communist Manifesto, The Bob Ong Books and countless others which ranged from Socio, Philo and Communication textbooks, to theses, to fiction and novels, to cookbooks, to political manifestos and theological writings.
The comics: Wasted, Shade The Changing Man, Doom Patrol, Batman, The Death of Superman, Keith Giffen Era-Justice League, The Comical Tragedy of Mr. Punch, Pugad Baboy among others.
The bai and Saudi boy jokes that we've outgrown.
The VHS tape hunt for long since forgotten movies.
The ATM pin numbers based on our anniversary and our birthdays
The cell phones lost, gained and lost again.
The seemingly unending fights over palmistry and tarot cards.
The book reading at national bookstore main.
The 1 peso snacks at their sari-sari store.
The long talks with Tina, Tutoy and her mother.
The Bicol trip with her family.
Dissing rockers, fashion punks, mall emos, poser skaters and the beautiful ones.
Having her give me silly looking haircuts.
Conducting cooking experiments and mixing cool new kinds of beverages with her mother's blender.
Having my clothes fitted and sewn by her and her mother to make it fit to my frail skeletal frame.
Learning new arcade and PC games together with her sister.
Having our pictures taken together inside a 1-hour rush photo booth.
The imaginary character of Kiko Monster.
The Earth Day celebrations.
The long drunken talk with her father about this girl with 12 fingers in hand.
The restaurants and coffee shops like: Likha Diwa, Smokey's, Salt of the Earth, Along Came Mary, Kapnay, Earthlite, Figaro, McDonalds, A&W, Tokyo Tokyo Red Ribbon, Texas, Kenny Rogers and Ate Vi's Lugawan.
The meal fads: Quarter Pounders, Hot Shots, Wing Dings, Root beer Floats, Strawberry Jelly, McDips, Barbecue.
Having this Nakarami card that served us a free meal a Tokyo Tokyo on my birthday.
The Cubao Christmas fairs in front of COD.
The Ukay-ukay expeditions from Cubao, to Anonas, to Recto, San Juan and Quiapo.
The punk shows, Internet surfing, skateboarding and habulan at UP campus.
The mobilizations, rallies and campaigns that raged and fueled our aspiration to make a difference in the world.
The theses, reports, projects, photo essays and term papers that we either did or have checked together.
The days we got by with barely 20 or 30 pesos in our pockets.
The change in our lives from nihilism, to greens, to commie/ND, to anarchists, to Christianity.
The unwavering support, encouragement and faith at each other despite of our own frailties and limitations.
Playing Greenday's 'When I Come Around and Redundant'; Dashboard Confessional's 'Hands Down; The Cure's 'A Letter To Elise, Friday I'm In Love, Just Like Heaven' on the telephone for her.
Shared various silkscreen printing adventures most notable was the the trip to Tutuban & Divisoria to canvass cheap wholesale T-shirts; Bolstering Mark's self-confidence ultimately freeing him from the shadow cast down by Cedric and his skill in that craft, reinstating Reggie and Laix's self worth.
Painting her room with dark indigo and making stencils out of scrap pieces of cardboard.
Bringing her to Youth On Fire for the first time.
Sharing our PowerBooks discovery to Riva and Charisse.
Sharing a meal at Likha Diwa with Riva and Marriane and a whole lot more of other people that I've lost count of.
The numerous times I popped up on her location while she's helping out her students shoot their short films, Mtvs etc.
When she brought the mass comm faulty of San Sebastian College to watch our first gig at Freedom Bar.
When we frolicked through gangland past midnight carrying a puppy that led through a wild-goose chase in finding the house of Gegine.
When we she'd join me Reginald, Cedric and Laix at UP to skateboard.
The weddings we attended (Reginald's and he cousin's).
The infant baptisms that we weren't supposed to be in because the child being baptized were children of people that are totally strangers to us.
The times we went to the vet with her dogs.
Our shared lament for those who've departed this realm: Lolo Eliseo, Jaguard and Druiness.
The times we brought Lolo Eliseo his supper and our search for him when he was arrested for vagrancy and was later brought under DSWD custody.
The times when she depended on me and I failed miserably for the times I said promise and failed to deliver for all the tears I incited and all the screams I shouted and all the other humiliating things that I've caused us to suffer.
The love shared and cherished which bloomed into a greater love that is one that is shared with our kindred identities in Christ.
The tears wept and shared, the angst fueled and calmed, the storms that have brought our worst selves, the cruel words said but we never really meant and the love shared but realized as a part of something bigger that God asks back of us so as to follow his Lordship in our lives.
The indwelling and renewing of our broken spirits with the comfort of God's presence.
And for all the other seemingly unending, meaningful and worthwhile stuff that we've shared which we have both either forgotten or have been stored in the back of our minds which in their own little way have molded both of us to the person that we are now we give God for all the joy and the pain which manifested and resulted with the realigning of our lives to the center of His will.
Happy birthday Jeanie.
Monday, September 13, 2004
It all seems familiar doesn't it?
You'd never know how much I've been in the same situation for a lot of times in my life.
It looks as though as it was merely the start of our gig to some unknown destination that we were suppose to play in, with our guitars in hand and a crowd of apathetic strangers faces us to whose reactions we were eager not to find out.
But this time its different.
The band, Life Is Trying has long since given off its last erg of breath to its withering potentials, it has bitten the dust and there's no use in resucitating it, that was then this is now.
True enough it was not a Life Is Trying gig, no we were not suppose to be there in the first place and the only reason that we're there is that I was about to pick up my electric guitar from Mark who borrowed it a few months earlier.
Incidentally though Cedric called Mark because he and his new band has a gig nearby and so thought it best also to invite us there as well.
So there we were now walking as though it was our gig, but it wasn't, it was Cedric's.
And I know that for a while now I've been really much of a crap-talking jerk to Cedric eversince the demise of Life Is Trying.
I admit that I've harboured angst and strife.
But thanks be to God that we were given a chance at closure.
True enough despite whatever difference it is that we've had back then it was still first and foremost that must be noted that we were after all friends.
Not just friends but good friends.
I know that back then I've been quite acting like this megalomaniac, tyrant of a lead-singer with an Axl Rose complex of asserting my authority over the rest of the band. And true enough with such passion towards the music that I love I've come to forget the real reason why we have this band in the first place.
It was because we were friends and that we love writing songs, playing music, confining ourselves into a studio.
Sadly my domineering eventually lead to the breaking of that trust and that bond, and Cedric was the one that got the worst share of my angst.
I write this now really so as to apologize to Cedric for being a major pain and for being so much of a skeptic with his ability and worth. For undermining him as a person, a friend and as an artist.
I know a lot of people whom we both know would look at him as sort of this loser, but in a greater sense who are they to see him as this loser, success is such a relative word anyway. But true enough in his own way and standards I would be the first one to attest that in his own right he is a success.
I've known him way back as a person who could shame Jim Lee, or Whilce or Lifefield with his slick drawing style and that it was his dream to work on a comic book. True enough he's living that dream. Another is his love for ska music and true enough again he's also in a ska band. And I am proud that unlike so many of our contemporaries in the days of our youth he pursued those dreams and now lives them, and I congratulate him for that.
As for Life Is Trying, well...that was the past there was no need any more for it. It should stay there in the past because now is the time for all of us to move on with our lives and get on with whatever it is that is set to unfold in our life's journey.
By the way upon meeting Cedric right there at the time our mere greeting was that of a hug, which I think was kind of gay for both of us, but screw them we're emo nerds anyways and we're emotional with that whole thing. No words were spoken just plain and simple respect for each other. More words could be spoken but I'd rather not it would spoil the story and that another is that it doesn't matter what I say because what is written here is not about me anyways, its about Cedric.
My friend. My good friend.
Thursday, September 09, 2004
By the way I've just finished creating a web ring for those of us who are link-minded with regards to as to how we view ourselves and the world that we live in. Please do feel free to click the join button at the bottom of this site to join or by clicking that mouse here the webring. The ring only has Pinay Blood Rush and m35b at the moment but hopefully ther'll be more members who'll join. Thanks.
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
This is not an unusual story.
This story is very much like that of any other man, who has just finished college and is presently working on his first job.
His first exposure or his “trial of fire” into reality as those post-modern poetic types would have said, if they were to write this story.
This story has a beginning, but of course what kind of story wouldn’t have a beginning?
It just so happens that every story is presented in different manner so to speak. Some would begin with a flashback; or with an introduction of the characters; or with a historical background of sorts; or with a theme that would lead you through the general tone of the story; or with the emotional climate of the story. But whatever beginning you chose it always falls down to where everything is described.
So from there I would begin…
“…I’ve been working for the rat race.”
That’s the tune that fills the head of young Carl San Juan as he runs the crowded sidewalk of Ortigas Avenue, he is trying to beat the clock, the Bundy clock that is. Ever since he’s started working there he has always been on the run, for it would cause him an hour’s pay if he arrives even a minute past eight o’ clock.
“I don’t deserve this.”
He thought as sweat started to moist his thighs and as pain started to settle through his legs.
But without any hesitation still he ran.
The clock ticked to eight o one as he set foot on the office.
He said but he couldn’t do anything.
“Life sucks and the you die.”
That’s what he always says for whatever means it is that he would like to justify.
His eyes are glued to the glare of the computer. The Microsoft Windows 98 logo reflected on the lens of his glasses as he restarts it. He always restarts that computer, it always hangs its Pentium II processor could no longer hold the array of programs installed in its memory.
As he waits for the re-boot to complete a smile cracks in the eye-bag infested face of his.
He remembers the good old college days when he used to sit on class and astonish his professors and classmates alike, with his intellectually stimulating discourse on a wide-range of topics.
He remembers those days when he would skip class to attend and ED, OD, DG or a Natsit or when he’d be out of school because of the mobilizations, lightning rallies, direct actions, teach-ins and picket lines that he would rather be part of instead of the boring pointless discussions of his economic professor who would always make them compute figures in order to solve his problem pertaining the country’s GNP, but never bothered to explain to them the meaning of GNP.
Time’s up. The re-booting sequence is finished. Again he sets his eyes on the monitor.
The continuous tapping noise of the countless fingers that tapped the battered computer keyboards seemed to create a rhythm that sort of matched the constant ringing of the telephones and the robotic sounding metallic sweep of the dot matrix printers mechanically compliment each other creating a mechanical symphony that litters the ambient routine that envelops the workplace.
But to Carl San Juan it is but a cacophony of chaos that irritates his ears. He’d rather hear a death-metal song by Slayer, or the Internationale, or Falco anything but that.
Search the Internet, then copy the spex paste it to MS Word. Do the layout in Pagemaker. If there’s a photograph convert it from JPEG or GIF to TIFF on ACDSee and then edit its resolution on Photoshop.
That very much is the nature of his work.
You see he is a researcher for one of those classified adds paper in the market.
It is a routinary job very much, the topics he is researching may change, but the activities are still the same, the deadlines never ran out, and this has to be endured for 6 days of the week and the only counterbalance he gets is the occasional muttering of his editor or the smart mouthing of the publisher other than that it is very much the same.
On his vacant time (which he rarely has) he’d write stuff on his ledger.
‘To write is already to chose.’
That’s what is written on the cover of his logbook.
“I’m a slave to the grind…”
“…To the corporate machine called free enterprise…”
“…I work for more than 8 hours”
And so on.
On and on he’d write as if it were the only thing that would preserve his sanity.
“Could there be anything left for me to do, other than write?’
“It is what I studied for in college. It is the only thing that my middle class family has ever been good at.”
Again he thought.
As the clock ticked to five-thirty again he feeds the Bundy clock with his dog-eared time card, and hurries of to his house and with anguish on his head he thought:
“Life sucks and then you die!”
"Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them"
Monday, September 06, 2004
...The three of us are happily chewing our pork liempo when the darkness of what we thought was dusk started to surround our small pad...
...We honestly thought it as just the natural indication that it was twighlight and that the sky was merely giving way for the moon and the stars to decorate its presence with their tapestry of planets, stars, galaxies, supernovas and constellations of all shapes and forms. But lo we were mistaken to our astonishment it was merely precipitation, the rain. A relentless downpour that was seemingly unexpected a few hefty minutes ago when we were still happily strolling the empty back alleys of Ortigas Center...
...That was just this past Saturday...
...For those who've been at the habit of reading this blog, I must warn you that there is really nothing new about this post this is just another post where I'll be speaking of how meaningful my weekends have been and this one is not such an exception...
...So if ever such stuff bores you, please do feel free to stop reading this now...
...But if it is of your interest please (I encourage you) do read on...
...Like I've said earlier Saturdays are cool for a lot of reasons, reasons which I'd rather not enumerate on this venue...
...The youth service has ended at around 5 o clock in the afternoon whereafter greeting Jeanie and after a few chit chat with Riva, I suddenly stumbled on Aga who also happened to have attended the service...
...When the socialization ended I thought of asking Laix (who was with me at the time) and Aga to go with me for our regular Bible Study which Aga happened to missed the previous Wednesday. So off we go...
...I decided that we'd rather not go to Megamall where we've always taken our BS after grabbing a bite to eat at A&W. So instead of going through our regular route where we would walk from Galleria to Megamall via ADB and San Miguel Avenue I decided that we'd take a detour to J. Vargas where we'd be going to this place that I eat at in Amber Avenue right in front of the Opus Dei-run UA&P, which had a lot of these cool canteens that served cool rice meals...
...After a few twist and turns, and after going thru vacant parking lots and empty streets we've finally reached our destination...
...We all shared a meal of pork liempo when the sudden downpour soaked the hot stones and gravel that were scattered on the parking space-cum-food court which have earlier been bleached with direct sunlight...
...After the meal we went so on with our Bible Study. I'd rather spare you the details of what happened, and what we've talked about so as to focus on something which I see is of more relevance to you who are reading this right now...
...While we've partaken of the Word I cannot help but feel a sense of belongingness and a sense of fellowship with the company of Laix and Aga a feeling which I have almost long since forgotten if not God energized me again to be on fire with my faith. And as I look back now I cannot help but be reminded of this old hymn that was written by Dr. John Fawcett. A hymn that we used to sing at church way before Don Moen or Hillsong became the fad of church music...
...The hymn is entitled Blest Be The Tie. I'd spare you the commentary and the historical significance of the song and let the lyrics of it speak for itself:
Blest be the tie that binds
Our hearts in Christian love;
The fellowship of kindred minds
Is like to that above.
Before our Father’s throne
We pour our ardent prayers;
Our fears, our hopes, our aims are one
Our comforts and our cares.
We share each other’s woes,
Our mutual burdens bear;
And often for each other flows
The sympathizing tear.
When we asunder part,
It gives us inward pain;
But we shall still be joined in heart,
And hope to meet again.
This glorious hope revives
Our courage by the way;
While each in expectation lives,
And longs to see the day.
From sorrow, toil and pain,
And sin, we shall be free,
And perfect love and friendship reign
Through all eternity.
...You may be asking what does this mean?
...Well as the writer of this song puts it I see us as a: 'fellowship of kindred minds' in which 'perfect love and friendship reigns'. I may sound sentimental or even silly for some of you but frankly I do not care, I've long since remember myself in a place where I've felt such and I must say that such also has not been felt when I was with my band, with my comrades in the ND Movement, nor with the Recto punks and the PUP anarchists that I've hanged out with in my college days and I am glad that our friendship was not based on a common field of interest, set of circumstances and the like what we have is the foundation where we would always feel blessed by the fact that we were sinners but by God's grace have been redeemed, and as I've said earlier we are but a fellowship of kindred minds looking forward to the glorious hope of someday being able to be part of what Henry Van Dyke has described in this line from the hymn Joyful Joyful We Adore Thee:
Mortals, join the mighty chorus
which the morning stars began;
love divine is reigning o'er us,
binding all within its span.
Ever singing, march we onward,
victors in the midst of strife;
joyful music leads us sunward,
in the triumph song of life.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
To be honest I do not know what it means, and that was just the start of our merry
night of bloodletting...
...It was almost 30 minutes of torture. The train was so crowded and I'm really getting clustrophobic (pls. check the spelling), and not to mention the smell, (anyone who's ever ride the LRT would agree with me with this conclusion: the train smells like the meat compartment of a houshold refrigerator).
Well anywas after that skirmish ended I'm happy to announce that I survived the
endeavor.I was surprised by the sight of Laix sitting at a bench on the CS walkway.
Well anyways he was there with Jem and Chit waiting for Jeanie. So I joined them and in no time she's out
and off we go to our destination...
...It took us a while to catch a ride but nevertheless we were able get one. The ride was cool, we got to share two hawaian hotdog sandwiches that I bought earlier at Smokey's. With a couple of twist and turns
from Quiapo to España to Blumentrit to Quezon Avenue, I suppose it would be safe to suppose that the ride was going smoothly,except for the loud cucauphony (spellcheck please) of cheesy mid-90s ballads, which was then replaced by silly slow rock, and then to our surprise we were able to hear the latter half of Dashboard Confessional's Vindicated, but to our disappointment the driver switched the station to Yes FM and gave us more than the BFAD's recomended dose of novelty songs.
As though circumstances were playing with our sanity a traffic jam started to unfold by the time our ride reached Banaue Avenue the congestion lasted from there up to Delta, and during that period we distracted
ourselves with silly idle chit chat about anything basically...
...I believe we were talking about cartoons when we arrived at QC City Hall, which indicates that our trip is already half way through. Going back to the novelty songs I couldn't believe that there were so many artist (if ever they could be called artists) doing that crap nowadays, and come to think of it, the whole idea of it makes one not help but wonder why our country's in too deep on the madhouse in a sociological persdpective that it, since the current rise of such songs indicate that such regression of intellect
has proliferated the mainstream niche of popular culture, it seems as though (that 's if ever Darwin was right on evolution) our minds have ceased to evolve and has merely began to pride itself in shallow decadence.
On a footnote though I must say that those twentysomething novelty shmucks are nowher near the league of Yoyoy, Max Surban, Chonco Brothers, Tatlong Pinoy, Vincent Dafalong, Miñong and Porkchop Duo who's multiplex cassettes are still mainstays on the karaoke players that are strategically placed on 'for the
boys' tables at , family gatherings.Well anyways after a longstanding battle of endurance with the Beep Beep Beeps, Kwek Kweks and Eddie Gil's Carmelita we finnaly arrive at our destination...
...we arrived just in time and we were greeted with jolly questionaires asking us
this silly yes or no questions like:
"Nakikipag-relasyon ka ba sa iyong ka-uri?
Yes () No ()"
"Ikaw ba ay nakipag-talik sa isang bayarang
babae o lalaki? Yes () No ()"
"Ikaw ba ay may nakakahawang sakit tulad ng
gonorhea, syphilis, herpes at HIV? Yes () No ()"
Too bad that we're very much in a hurry but that questions that we're answering very entertaining.
Laix wrote a "maybe" on some of the questionaires and accidentally answered 'yes' on an AIDS question while I answered yes to a question pertaining to being
...So on goes the qualification round for us potential blood donors (by the way the reason that we're giving our blood is that Jeanie's friend Gera, has recently gotten a blood transfussion, because she got sick
with dengue and the blood that she used on the transfussion must be replenished on the
hospital's blood bank.)...
...Sad to say I was rejected I was underweight, so was Jem because she presently has a cold, so are Jeanie and Chit (though they were able to make it to the semi-finals of the testing) because they are
both anemic, to sum it up it was only Laix who got qualified to giving his blood...
...Laix saves the day. And it was an amazing thing that Jeanie decided to call him up for
that, since she wasa already having second thoughts about asking Laix to come there...
...Later that night we were given a meal of encimada (spellcheck please) and cherry coke
which made us all burb our hearts out and made me and Laix fart ourselves silly later
that night. As we went home I also got to talk to Jeanie on the phone later, that
night and she told me that I was being quite much of a jerk during our stay there in the
hospital, and I must say that I'm really very sory for being so insensitve.
So to end why is this whole blood donation escapade have to be told in light of our
Please read the following:
6 Now when these things were thus ordained, the priests went always into the first tabernacle, accomplishing the service of God.
7 But into the second went the high priest alone once every year, not without blood, which he offered for himself, and for the errors of the people:
8 The Holy Ghost this signifying, that the way into the holiest of all was not yet made manifest, while as the first tabernacle was yet standing:
9 Which was a figure for the time then present, in which were offered both gifts and sacrifices, that could not make him that did the service perfect, as pertaining to the conscience;
10 Which stood only in meats and drinks, and divers washings, and carnal ordinances, imposed on them until the time of reformation.
11 But Christ being come an high priest of good things to come, by a greater and more perfect tabernacle, not made with hands, that is to say, not of this building;
12 Neither by the blood of goats and calves, but by his own blood he entered in once into the holy place, having obtained eternal redemption for us.
13 For if the blood of bulls and of goats, and the ashes of an heifer sprinkling the unclean, sanctifieth to the purifying of the flesh:
14 How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?
15 And for this cause he is the mediator of the new testament, that by means of death, for the redemption of the transgressions that were under the first testament, they which are called might receive the promise of eternal inheritance.
16 For where a testament is, there must also of necessity be the death of the testator.
17 For a testament is of force after men are dead: otherwise it is of no strength at all while the testator liveth.
18 Whereupon neither the first testament was dedicated without blood.
19 For when Moses had spoken every precept to all the people according to the law, he took the blood of calves and of goats, with water, and scarlet wool, and hyssop, and sprinkled both the book, and all the people,
20 Saying, This is the blood of the testament which God hath enjoined unto you.
21 Moreover he sprinkled with blood both the tabernacle, and all the vessels of the ministry.
22 And almost all things are by the law purged with blood; and without shedding of blood is no remission.
23 It was therefore necessary that the patterns of things in the heavens should be purified with these; but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these.
24 For Christ is not entered into the holy places made with hands, which are the figures of the true; but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us:
25 Nor yet that he should offer himself often, as the high priest entereth into the holy place every year with blood of others;
26 For then must he often have suffered since the foundation of the world: but now once in the end of the world hath he appeared to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself.
27 And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment:
28 So Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many; and unto them that look for him shall he appear the second time without sin unto salvation.
What does this mean?
Well I cannot expound on the absoluteness of the scripture pertaining to this but I could
say that our faith is based on the shedding of Christ's blood on calvary which made the
remission of sins possible for our salvation, Catholics call this the Eucharist, but true enough it was the blood that was transfuesed to Gera that spared her from the further complications of her Dengue.
Jeanie once said that a person's exterior absces (spellcheck) would be removed if they'd donate their blood so that their circulatory system would be replenished.I remember also that blood is part of our
circulatory system it is what carries oxygen and essential minerals, nutrients and hemoglobin in order for our body function, if it stops it would mean hemorage.
So how does one relate this to our faith?
Well basically our faith is based on the shed blood of Jesus Christ, and physically speaking blood is what gives life and we've all found eternal life and a life that's worth living when we accepted God's gift of
salvation through placing our faith in Christ and if it weren't for the blood of Christ we wouldn't be there collectively giving our effort to give our blood, because our friendship is based on our unique newfound relationship with God and without the shedding of God's blood it would never
have been possible.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
he's back and well to minister
Which Probiotics Drink Kicks Lactobacilus Ass?
You Wouldn't Believe
Beyond What Is Logical
Knowing That You Were Held At Gunpoint
My Thanks To Bob Kane
Ground Breaking Music?
i don't know
This is not the end but a mere beginning
Remember The Past Month Of July
By the way the lit portfolio is still not in its completed stage and what you're seeing at its present page is still just a foreshadowing of what I've really been planning on accomplishing just please keep posted.